Advocate Fights Child Sexual Abuse
Posted Courtesy of The Post and Courier (http://www.charleston.net)
BY DOTTIE ASHLEY
Of The Post and Courier Staff
He was the dear family friend who gave her and her younger sister a puppy. Little did Edith Howle guess that he would haunt her for the rest of her life.
She couldn't imagine that those shadowy afternoons spent with a friend could end up as unspeakably aberrant. Howle is an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse. It was only four years ago that she decided to go public with her secret.
"To finally be happy, you have to come to terms with the fact that you have been damaged and you have to deal with it," she says. "It's like having had polio as a child and being left with a limp, but still telling yourself you were not affected by polio."
Nearly 6 when the abuse started, Howle didn't realize that the gestures of intimacy thrust upon her and her younger sister were not loving and thoughtful, but rather expressions of an abuser's twisted desires. "Once when it was my sister's birthday and she got lots of presents, I cried and he brought me a gift to make me feel better," says Howle.
She and her sister were abused for nearly two years. Luckily, Howle's father, who was in the military, was transferred from South Carolina to Japan, so the family friend's sexual abuse halted when Howle was 8 and her sister was 7. "But if we had not moved then, I think it would have continued," she says.
On an Indian summer afternoon, Howle sits with her husband, Rick Throckmorton, in their James Island living room. She is far away from the incidents of her youth, but her memories are vivid. "The family friend would take my sister and me over to his house at a time when his wife and children were not at home, and that's when the sexual abuse occurred," says Howle. "Since my sister and I were basically uneducated regarding sex at that age, it was not until later, when I was almost 12 and learned what sex was, that I realized the outrageous thing that had happened to us.
"I told my parents about what had happened, and there was some disbelief on their part at first, but then they did believe me. But they never did anything about it. I'm not sure why, except that the subject was a deeper, darker secret in those days than now.
"Also, we were living in Japan at the time, and maybe that's one reason they never confronted the abuser. It was a shame because then he was free to continue this abuse with other children." Because of the effect that childhood sexual abuse had on her and her sister, Howle was determined to prevent this from happening to other children.
SHAME AND BLAME
"Only one in 10 children ever tell because they are ashamed or blame themselves or are afraid it will change the family dynamics," Howle says. She says studies have shown only 5 percent of youngsters ever lie, and when they do, "It is usually to recant their stories because they sense the turmoil it may cause," she says.
"It's very hard for some survivors to learn to trust again, once they have been betrayed by a person they have come to adore, as I had my abuser, a person whom I loved," says Howle. "Studies have shown that adults affected by any kind of childhood trauma are most profoundly affected by sexual abuse," says Howle. "This can be the cause of prostitution and mental illness, not to mention alcoholism and drug abuse. The country could save a lot of money and manpower if this abuse were prevented."
Five years ago, Howle and her husband took early retirement from their jobs in Washington, D.C., and moved to Charleston. "I didn't really have the opportunity to volunteer for any organization while in Washington because of all the traveling involved with my job," explains Howle. "Because I wanted to volunteer in an organization that would work to prevent child sexual abuse, I went to The Community Foundation where I met Richard Henry, who then introduced me to Anne Lee."
It turned out that Lee had just developed the media to help in establishing a child sexual abuse preventive program. The fledgling endeavor was called From Darkness to Light, and took its name from a conference on child sexual abuse held in Charleston seven years ago.
Lee already had worked with Stewart Birbrower, retired creative director of the nationally known advertising firm Young & Rubicam. Recognized for his national ads such as "Don't Leave Home Without It" for American Express, he had retired from New York to Kiawah Island. When he learned of From Darkness to Light, he volunteered his services.
For more than two decades, Howle had been a partner in the firm of Booz Allen Hamilton, a major systems implementation firm. From January to May, using her expertise and her master's degree in systems engineering from Clemson University, Howle designed a help line. She also has developed an online nationwide program to train phone operators to respond to calls. Having also designed a Web site for From Darkness to Light, she volunteers from 40 to 60 hours a week for the organization.
Lee recalls, "At first, in 2000, it was just Edith and me, and we worked in a borrowed temporary office space. Now we have our own office with six full-time staffers and two part-timers. I can't imagine working without Edith."
From Darkness to Light has received a tidal wave of publicity after the ABC-TV show "The View," headed by Barbara Walters, selected the charity organization and Charleston as winners of a contest sponsored by Northern Quilted Tissue, which donated $25,000 to From Darkness to Light.
On Nov. 10, "The View" was broadcast live from Charleston, and Channel 4, the local ABC affiliate, also aired a 30-minute preview that featured Lee, Howle and others who explained the purpose of their organization. Because of the publicity surrounding "The View," the number of visits to From Darkness to Light's Web site quadrupled, says Howle.
Also national ads placed in magazines such as People, Fortune, Time and Cooking Light often prompt people to visit the group's Web site. "One woman said she was on a plane when she opened People magazine and saw our ad. She burst into tears right then and there," says Howle. "She wrote to us saying, 'Now I have somewhere to go to learn how to protect my daughter, but most of all, thank you for giving people like me a voice.'"
AFTERMATH OF ABUSE
Having been one of 11 females out of 200 partners at Booz Allen Hamilton, Howle is, by most standards, a great success.
"There are generally two ways that people react in later life to sexual abuse," she says. "One is that they become total control freaks and, because of what happened to them, want to make certain nothing like that ever happens again. The other end of the spectrum is that a person will allow his or her life to go down the drain, getting involved in alcohol and drugs and becoming sexually promiscuous because they feel so ashamed and worthless and have such low self-esteem. "I was fairly fortunate in that the person who abused me was not a member of my family, and also I was never made to feel guilty, as if it were my fault in some way," says Howle.
She also has been lucky in that Throckmorton, her husband of 23 years, has always been extremely supportive of her. "Early on in our relationship I told Rick about it, and he was so understanding," says Howle. "Today, we are now glad we can spend some time together after sometimes going weeks without seeing each other since Rick also had worked for Booz Allen. He was sometimes in Europe when I was in Canada or Mexico."
In spite of her myriad successes, Howle has been in therapy for 10 years because she says her controlling nature often made her unhappy. "At Booz Allen, we had an industrial psychiatrist who, in order to get a picture of the total person, interviewed those who worked beneath you and above you and then had you do your own self-interview in order to contrast what others thought of you with what you thought of yourself," explains Howle. "This process revealed that everyone thought I was a very confident, successful person. But my self-description showed that I was afraid all the time and I had low self-esteem."
After telling the industrial psychiatrist about her child sexual abuse experience, he recommended a psychologist in New York who specialized in that field. She saw the psychologist for five years and now communicates with him by phone on a regular basis.
"This therapy has definitely helped me," says Howle. "I am less controlling now, and I know I can't take charge over everything that happens in my life. Also, I'm more open to meeting different types of people and letting them into my life. But I'm certainly not over it entirely."
Howle's mother was Japanese and had married her father during World War II. Howle, born in 1951, was 6 months old when her father was assigned to South Carolina and was stationed at Donaldson Air Force Base in Greenville. After his second tour in Japan, where Howle lived from age 9 to 13, her family returned to Sumter, where her father was assigned to Shaw Air Force Base and where he eventually retired. "My father died four years ago and my mother died in June of cancer," says Howle. "Right before my mother died, she told me that she also had been sexually abused as a child. I was so glad she finally told me."
Howle appears to be a lucky survivor in that she has a coterie of friends eager to talk about what a warm and supportive person she is. One of these is Sumter native Patsy Alston, director of communications for Roper St. Francis Healthcare, who met Howle when both were in their 20s. "If I had a mentor, it would be Edith," says Alston. "She's one of those people who is there for you when you need her." Alston adds, "Also, Edith is one of the most compassionate and intelligent women I have ever known, and she is very proud of her Japanese heritage. Also, she is always focused on the people and the issues that are most important in her life. From Darkness to Light is very lucky to have her focused so intently on that organization."
Howle says, "We want to change the way people view child sexual abuse, and to teach adults how to assure children they can come to them if such a thing occurs," says Howle. Kids can seem normal and happy while hiding a terrible secret, she adds. She says there is no reliable profile of a child sexual abuser. "He can be someone who does act rather strange, or someone who seems completely normal, which is usually the case. We provide information so that adults can teach children to recognize certain signs. For example, what is the difference between a 'good touch' and a 'bad touch.' " Ninety-seven percent of child sex abusers are men, and one out of six boys and one out of four girls will be abused, Howle says.
THE ANT AS MASCOT
In her Meeting Street office, Lee, CEO of From Darkness to Light, says, "Edith has it all figured out. She likes to cut to the chase. At our first meeting she looked me straight in the eye and asked, 'What do you want from me?'" She and Howle make an impressive team: Two successful women who as children had their lives damaged in the same manner and are now taking action to protect others.
The women were invited to the White House on Oct. 16 to help inaugurate a new postage stamp against family violence. The stamp was introduced by President Bush in the East Room. Also, through the efforts of Howle and Lee, From Darkness to Light has two lobbyists (one Republican, one Democrat) who are working pro bono to further their cause. Howle and Lee also helped to lobby successfully for the full funding nationally of the Child Abuse Prevention Treatment Act (CAPTA) by educating people, through their Web site, how they could contact their representatives in Congress.
Howle says her major role is to connect various partnerships, such as the National Children's Alliance based in Washington, D.C., which has 400 advocacy centers across the United States. She adds, "We also have a relationship with the Association of Information and Referral Services, which provides us with our help lines across the country. "We pay for the long-distance calls that come on the hot lines, and then the calls are automatically switched to their particular area code to get help," explains Howle. "Some people call because they are adult survivors and are having flashbacks. Some could be thinking of suicide, and some are children actually experiencing sexual abuse.
"We accomplished this through taking one small step at a time," says Howle. "Therefore, we have as our mascot the ant, because ants can move mountains by transporting one grain of sand at a time." Lee had known Charleston artist Jeffrey Kennedy and admired his collection of colorful ants, which he had made of various materials. When this insect was chosen as the group's mascot, Kennedy made a series of ants of all sizes, including one 7 feet tall. The brightly hued creatures have been spotted at various events around town, such as the 2003 Piccolo Spoleto Festival, where various local businesses each sponsored an ant. "We also found the ant lends a lighter touch to such a dark subject, one that can turn people off," says Lee. "We are making our ads less dark and edgy as well."
Looking to the future, Howle is excited that starting in January, their commercials will be shown for free by the Gannett Corporation on 20 of its television stations. Also, From Darkness to Light is having a 22-minute documentary filmed that is expected to be completed by January.
Like the ant, Howle is working toward her goal, changing one person at a time.
Edith Howle
BORN: Dec. 18, 1951, in Kyuushuu, Japan.
EDUCATION: Graduate of Edmunds High School in Sumter; B.S. in math from Clemson University, 1974; M.S. in systems engineering from Clemson, 1975.
FAMILY: Husband, Rick Throckmorton.
OCCUPATION: Retired as a partner of Booz Allen Hamilton Inc., a management consulting firm based in Washington, D.C. Now works as a volunteer for the organization From Darkness to Light, which works to prevent child sexual abuse and gives support to adult survivors of child sexual abuse.
HOBBIES: Making Japanese dolls, woodworking, gardening, traveling, collecting Alfred Hutty paintings.
FAVORITE BOOK: "The Samurai's Garden" by Gail Tsukiyama.
FAVORITE LOCAL RESTAURANT: Il Cortile del Re.
CURRENTLY READING: As the Future Catches You by Juan Enriquez
FAVORITE MOVIE: Frieda
HIGHLIGHT OF MY LIFE SO FAR: Trekking in Bhutan and Nepal; visiting with my family in Japan.
WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE DIFFERENTLY: Since I had no control over being sexually abused, I don't believe I would do anything differently; my life experiences clearly shaped who I am today, and I'm happy with that.
WHY MY MARRIAGE HAS ENDURED: A mutual love of experiencing all that life has to offer and a sense of adventure in whatever we undertake together. Also, a healthy respect and tolerance for our similarities and differences is a key factor in our marriage.
GOALS FOR THE FUTURE: Move to Japan for six months so I can get to know the Japanese side of the family (my mother's relatives). Also, to make child sexual abuse a household term all over so every adult will be willing to do something to prevent it.
ADVICE TO WOMEN TO BECOME SUCCESSFUL: Work hard and work smart; know and project your own self-worth and be willing to stand up for yourself, promote yourself and what you believe in.
WANTS TO SPREAD THE WORD:The From Darkness to Light Web site has a seven-step booklet that can be downloaded to prevent, help recognize and react appropriately to child sexual abuse. The Web site is: www.darkness2light.org. The national help line, (866) FOR-LIGHT, has a network of 178 help lines across the nation that can answer questions and provide local resources for callers.
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