Preventing child abuse: Downes runs program to protect youths

BY Jana Peterson
Of The Idaho State Journal

Kathy Downes uses the analogy of a smoke detector when she talks about traditional programs that address child sexual abuse.

A smoke detector won't keep you from having a fire, it will just tell you when you have one.

“In the past, the focus has been on teaching children, programs like ‘Stranger Danger' and puppet shows,” said Downes, the executive director of Bright Tomorrows, a nonprofit organization that offers support services to families who have been affected by sexual abuse. “While those are good programs, prevention of sexual abuse could help avoid a world of hurt.”

Downes is the only locally trained facilitator of an interactive educational video training program designed by the Darkness to Light group. Geared toward adults, this “Stewards of Children” program teaches parents and anyone else who deals with children on a regular basis how they can decrease the risk of sexual abuse by taking seven simple steps.

Why the change in focus? Because simply teaching children not to talk to strangers doesn't work.

As one sexual abuse survivor says in the “Stewards of Children” video, “it's not the nasty guy in the trench coat” who abuses your children.

It's your neighbor, the club leader, a family friend, a relative. According to Darkness to Light, 30 to 40 percent of children who are sexually abused are abused by family members. As many as 60 percent are abused by people the family trusts. Getting to know the family is part of the strategy, and sexual predators are often brilliant manipulators, and very charming people. They are also drawn to settings where they can easily gain access to children, such as sports leagues, faith center, clubs and schools.

“Think about it,” said Downes. “A sexual abuser wants to find a place where he or she has easy access to children,” she said.

The Stewards of Children program targets organizations like that, as well as parents, in its video.

What are the seven steps Stewards of Children say people should take to prevent, recognize and react responsibly to child sexual abuse?

1. Learn the facts and understand the risks. Reality, not trust, should influence your decisions regarding your child.

Knowledge really is power. One woman in the Stewards of Children video tells the story of going to sign her son up for drum lessons, then realizing the lesson would be held in a one-on-one situation with the teacher in a windowless room at the back of a building with the door shut. She didn't sign him up, and she told the business it was because of the inherent danger in the set up.

2. Minimize opportunity. More than 80 percent of sexual abuse occurs when the abuser and the child are in unsupervised, one-on-one situations. Eliminate those as much as possible, and you'll lower the risk of abuse.

“Sometimes parents feel guilty about making demands,” said Downes. “We need to get over that. Our children - and their innocence - are priceless. We have the right to demand a safe environment.”

Had the Achieving a Better Life care center in Chubbuck done background checks on every employee, the woman accused of felony injury to a child - a 2-year-old boy who later died - would never have been allowed to work there, because her counseling license had been revoked. Or, had they had policies in place that prevented staff from working in one-on-one unsupervised situations with children, he might also be alive.

3. Talk about it. Talk to your children about what kind of touch is and isn't acceptable. Discuss what the private parts of their body are and use correct names, vagina and penis, rather than slang terms.

Downes says that it's important to discuss sexual abuse with your children more than once, and with the knowledge of what happens.

“I tell them, ‘The person who is going to try to touch your private parts is probably someone you really like. It could be your cousin, or a friend, or the parent of a friend,'” she said. “I just dispel things that sexual abusers do and use.”

4. Stay alert. Don't expect obvious signs, such as physical trauma. Explore unexplained behavioral changes.

5. Make a plan. Learn where to go, who to call and how to react. Decide on a code phrase that your child can tell you when they are in an uncomfortable situation they want to escape.

“It can be something simple, like ‘I want to order a pizza,'” but you both need to know that's your cue for getting them home and out of that situation,” said Downes, who added that she has codes in place with her children. “If it's a teenager out with friends, that's when you start reaming them to come home right now.”

6. Act on suspicions. By acting on suspicions of child sexual abuse, you are probably saving more than one child.

Most sexual predators have numerous victims.

If you suspect sexual abuse, contact Health and Welfare at 239-6200 and tell them you need to report a possible or suspected abusive situation.

7. Get involved. Volunteer or financially support organizations that fight sexual abuse and that have policies in place to prevent sexual abuse.

After sex abuse scandals such as those that rocked the Catholic Church in the U.S. and the Boy Scouts in Idaho, many programs are being proactive to protect themselves. Others are being told by their insurance companies that they need to put child-protection policies in place.

The Pocatello Community Charter school has a strong policy for protection. Every staff member is subject to a federal background check, and parent volunteers have to give permission for local law enforcement to do a local background check on them before they are allowed to volunteer.

The school has a list of 18 offenses - arson, contributing to the delinquency of a minor, domestic violence, among them - that will automatically disqualify a parent from being a volunteer. The parent can still come into the school to pick up their child, or watch a school program, but they won't be allowed to drive students anywhere or be out in the field with the children.

Staff also check the list of parent volunteers against the sex offender list every month.

As evidenced in Sunday's story on the Teton Council of Boy Scouts, sometimes it's not enough to simply have a child protection plan in place. Background checks are good, but not everyone's been caught before.

“Certainly nothing is absolutely bulletproof,” said the school's Dean, Martha Martin. “You're always going to have kids where you and your gut feel like there's something going on.

“But this is something we can do.”

This document was originally published online on Monday, January 23, 2006